Forever's Promises (Forever In Luck Series Book 1) Page 11

  “It wasn’t until…” he paused, putting his face against the back of her head, then continued, “later, after I’d slept with a couple of women, that I realized there are telltale signs indicating you’ve had sex with another. That’s when it dawned on me I hadn’t slept with Naomi. There were no indications to suggest I had, but being a virgin I didn’t know enough at the time to deny it, and by the time I figured it out, the damage was done, and I was stuck in the Army at a time when our country was at war.”

  She moved away from him, and he feared losing her again. Lighting a small candle on the nightstand, she turned to him, scooting in close. Releasing the breath he’d been holding, he sighed a sigh of relief, and took her in his arms. She was so beautiful in the candlelight. Panicking a little, he pushed himself up on his forearm and felt the need to repeat himself, to convince her, “It’s not my child, I—”

  Putting a finger to his lips, she quieted him. “I heard you,” she whispered. “I need some time to think about this.”

  He kissed her. “I hate that this happened.”

  “Shhh,” she silenced him again, tracing his lips with her finger. “I know, me too. It’s…I just need to think some, that’s all.”

  Well, at least he’d been able to tell her what happened, he thought. That she finally knew was a huge relief. He would’ve liked to of talked about it more though, had her respond and tell him what she was thinking, but he knew if he pushed her she’d shut down, so he let it be. “Okay, I get it,” he replied, respecting her need for time. He couldn’t help but think again, how other women would be all over this, combing the event with a fine tooth comb, emasculating the guy in the process, while making everyone suffer. But not Linnie, no, not her. He went to kiss her again and her arms went around his neck, bringing him closer. Holding him tight, she deepened the kiss, communicating with him as she so often did, without words. This was good, he thought, this was classic. Reassured, he willingly followed her lead.

  **********

  The snowstorm ended early the next morning, and the day was shiny and bright. Linnie headed to the bathroom, while Nate went to the kitchen. She hated mornings, always had. She needed a shower and some coffee, then she’d start to wake up. They needed to work on moving the snow later. She had to admit, being at the cabin, all comfy and cozy with Nate, minus the prying eyes of the general public, was really, really nice. She’d be content to be like this forever, she thought, but knew it wouldn’t last. They’d have to go back to reality soon. And then what?

  Thinking back on what he’d said last night, it was possible he wasn’t Mikey’s father, and despite all her imaginings, he’d never cheated on her in heart. Yes, it was possible he may have had sex with Naomi, but not while in control of his faculties. She’d seen this in the ER many a time. A girl brought in with no recollection of events while at a party or with a group of guys, her life forever altered by the thoughtless, self-serving acts of others. She didn’t know what was worse, the conscious knowledge of living through rape, or the unconscious void of not knowing what happened and thinking the worst. It happened to men too. She’d seen that in the ER also, just not in the frequency it happened to women.

  Was this a random mistake, she wondered, or had Naomi been the target? Or, was Nate set up to take the fall for one’s indiscretion? Listening to Nate talk, it appeared he’d never considered this could be the case, but for some reason Linnie couldn’t quell the notion. Open the newspaper on any given day, and you could read story after story detailing people’s behavior during acts of desperation, but work in the ER and you’d see it firsthand. She’d have to think on this some more, she decided, maybe ask some questions. As a result of her experience, she knew enough to know that what people reported, or what they thought, didn’t always reflect the truth of the situation. Time would tell. Those DNA results would shed some light on the matter, so it was good Nate was pursuing it.

  Going out to the living area, she poured herself some coffee and went to sit in the corner chair. Taking a long drink, she sat back, settled in, and closed her eyes, waiting for the caffeine to kick in. She was aware of Nate coming to sit on the footstool right in front of her. He was eating something, and looking at her, she could tell without even opening her eyes. Ignoring him, she just sat there with her eyes closed, relaxing. Then she smelled something. Sniff, sniff. What was that? It smelled good. She cracked one eye, then two. Sniff. “What are you eating?” she asked.

  Leaning in, he put a piece of toast to her mouth. Taking a nibble, she moaned. Sitting up, she peeked over the rim of the bowl he was holding. He held the spoon out with a small bite on it, and she took it. “Mmmmmm.”

  “Let me feed you,” he said. “You need to eat.”

  Scowling at him, she said, “You play dirty, you know that? I don’t like breakfast.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about?” he said, smiling innocently. “It’s just one hundred percent pure Wisconsin spun honey on toast, and a bowl of honey nut cheerios.”

  “Give me that.”

  “Nope. Open up, I don’t trust you with the dishes.”

  **********

  Nate went looking for Linnie. It’d taken several hours for them to clear all the snow and he thought she was in the cabin warming up, but instead he found her leaning over the engine of a snowmobile out in the shed. He smiled. Ever since taking a small engines class in high school, Linnie had an affinity for them, and she was good with them too. She’d been so curious and intrigued by them, her dad spent hours teaching her and helping her to learn, while they worked on the farm equipment together. She was so damn sexy to him when she talked shop, and watching her now brought back wonderful memories of him as a fantasizing teenage boy. Man that seemed like eons ago, he thought. He’d had one hell of an imagination, and he was damn glad he could now make it all a reality.

  “What’s up?” he asked, coming to stand by her.

  “Well, they haven’t been taking care of them, that’s for darn sure,” she answered. “I was able to get that one to run, but it’s rough, and this one is a no go. Gas is bad, plugs are old, and I’m sure the carburetor needs a cleaning. We’ll bring them back so I can work on them in the shop. Let’s take that one out, but not too far, in case we have trouble.”

  He smiled listening to her. “Sounds fun, I haven’t been on one since the last time you and I went.”

  “Yeah, same for me,” she replied.

  They spent several hours riding around, checking things out. Pointing to a partially downed tree that looked like it’d been hit by lightning during the summer, as a large portion hung at an awkward angle, she headed that direction. Stopping, he got off and shook the limb, ridding it of its snow, and then yanked hard. It came away with a loud crack. Linnie yelped loud, slapping her hands over her ears, while slamming her eyes shut.

  “Ah, you okay?” he asked in concern.

  “Yes,” she answered rapidly, breathing hard. “I just hate that sound.”

  “Oookay…alrighty then. It’s down, so you can open your eyes now,” he said, feeling a little bewildered.

  She nodded. “Thanks, I will…when I’m ready.”

  He stood staring at her. “You want to tell me what this is all about?”

  “Just hate the sound, that’s all. I’m fine,” she responded quick.

  Aha, right. He stood watching her, and after a minute or two, she opened her eyes and let go of her ears. He looked at her concerned. She smiled, trying to reassure him.

  “Do you think you can hang on to it while I drive us back?” she asked. “It looks dry, we could use it for firewood.”

  “We’ll try, if not, then I’ll come back with a chain and get it.” Something wasn’t right here, he thought. “You sure you’re okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m good,” she answered flippantly. “Let’s head back.”

  After two days together, goofing around and relaxing, their belongings were packed and ready to go for the return trip the next morning. Snuggling in bed aft
er having made love, he asked what had been on both their minds.

  “What happens now?”

  She shrugged, then responded, “I don’t know.”

  “I don’t want us to be apart. I don’t want to be at my parent’s, while you’re with your dad and brothers. I want us together.”

  “I figured you’d say that,” she answered, closing her eyes.

  “I think we should start looking for a house,” he said.

  Oh boy. “Ahhh, maybe.”

  “What does that mean, maybe?” he asked, his words taking on an edge.

  “Well, it’s, ahhh, big step, with a long term commitment, and with everything the two of us have been through in the last few weeks, and with some things still up in the air, I don’t think we should make hasty decisions we could come to regret later, that’s all.”

  “He’s not my child,” he spit out.

  “Calm down,” she said, trying to ease him. “It’s not that. It’s, well, just that I’m expected back in Chicago in a month’s time. I need to figure out what I’m going to do next.”

  Nate was out of bed and over to the light switch in a flash. Flipping it on, he came back to the bed with grim determination. Forcing her to look at him, he said, “I will not have you in Chicago, while I’m back in Luck.”

  “Sooo, you’re willing to move to Chicago then?” she tested, even though she knew the answer. He was a good guy, a really good guy, and she loved him beyond a doubt, but he had a tendency to demand what he wanted, and thus, make decisions for her. She needed him to see that this relationship thing was a two way street. He needed to respect and appreciate that she had ideas, goals, and wants too, and accept that there may be times when he didn’t always get what he wanted.

  Frustrated, he growled. “Linnie,” he implored, “come on.”

  “What?” she answered, feeling hurt and looking away.

  He shook his head, and took an angry breath. “You know I can’t do that. Dad’s expecting me to take over the business someday, and I have a lot to learn. Right now, my only claim to fame is loading and shooting a gun. Technically, I’m unskilled, so my job prospects in Chicago are slim. I need to be here, apprenticing, and taking classes to learn plumbing and heating.”

  “Well, then,” she tested, giving him another chance, “Minneapolis, maybe?” She didn’t want to live in Minneapolis. His jaw clenched. In a way, this was the old argument from five years ago.

  “Possibly,” he answered, his voice strained. “Rural communities need nurses too. If you stay and work here, we could both have what we want.”

  Not really, she thought. “Umm, yeah, kind of,” she answered.

  “What do you mean, kind of?” he asked annoyed.

  Taking a deep breath, she explained. “Well, I’m just getting going in my career. I only have a couple years under my belt, and I have a lot to learn too. I may have a passion for rural nursing, but I need nursing experience. Rural nursing is different than working in an acute care setting of a big urban hospital. Rural hospitals are more like MASH units, they take in traumas and stabilize them enough to get them to the big hospitals where they can get the care they need, and the same goes for the critically ill. The kinds of patients you find staying at small town hospitals can be pretty simple cases, and it would be really easy for me to loose skills I already have because I’m not using them, or to never gain them at all because I never needed them.”

  “I didn’t realize that,” he answered with frustration. “Don’t they teach you all that stuff in school?”

  She laughed. “The greatest misnomer these days is that a nurse, is a nurse, is a nurse. Medicine has become so technically advanced that it’s impossible to learn everything you need to know in school. Nursing school simply provides you a framework upon which to build your career. You need exposure to many different, and difficult, circumstances to become well rounded in your practice, whether it’s on the front lines, or in the office. In a lot of ways, I feel like I didn’t really begin to learn to be a nurse until I started working as one, and as I enjoy being hands on, I need to be where the action is.”

  “Please stay,” he implored, looking nervous. “Take a job in Minneapolis if you want, but please stay. I love you, and want us to be married. Stay and marry me, please?”

  Gosh, things were moving fast. “Ahhhh,” she replied nervously, “that, ummm, like, fits into the ‘big step, with a long term commitment’ and hasty decision thing I was talking about when you brought up buying a house.” He was clenching his jaw, and she knew he was getting upset.

  “Linnie,” he snapped. “I want us to be married, and I thought you did too!” he responded angrily, his temper flaring wildly.

  “Please don’t yell at me,” she said quietly. “I want us to be together too, I just don’t know that I need a piece of paper right—”

  “What the hell does that mean?” he interrupted angrily. “Because I sure the hell need a piece of paper, a piece of paper that defines a commitment!”

  “I—”

  Interjecting forcefully, he said. “I want a wife. I want you, and I want our children to be legitimate.”

  “Na—”

  “No!” He started shaking his head, refusing to listen. “No more being apart, Linnie. No more! I want to spend the rest of my life with you, period. Now I want an answer, will you marry me, yes or no?” he demanded, forcing the issue.

  She burst into tears.

  “Answer me, now!” he yelled.

  “I…I…can’t, not now,” she whispered through her tears, then hopped up and ran into the bathroom, locking the door, crying.

  It wasn’t until sometime later that she came out and tiptoed to the bed. Nate was lying on his side facing the bathroom. She wasn’t sure if he was awake or not, so she gingerly slid into bed, trying not to wake him if he was. She just couldn’t continue this conversation. She was having a hard enough time trying not to cry. He let out a big breath and turned to his back. She lay still, listening. Soon, his breathing evened out and deepened. She relaxed a bit, but her eyes burned.

  She and Purdy were supposed to be newlyweds right now, off enjoying their honeymoon. She didn’t lament the loss of that relationship, but for the loss of her trust in the sanctity of marriage and the commitment that went along with it. She’d been committed twice in the past, and both times the men had left her. She didn’t think she’d survive a third.

  Lying there thinking, she listened to him snore. Hours had gone by when he began to move erratically. Lighting the candle, she looked over at him. He was moving his hands quickly, and then lifting them up in the air, jerking them back and forth, then back to the quick hand movements, and then the arms up in the air again, jerk, jerk, jerk. Linnie’s heart sunk. He was shooting his gun. He was dreaming and shooting his gun. He wasn’t there with her, he was at war in his mind. She wanted to hold him, wanted to feel him there with her, and for him to feel her, but he just kept moving his hands and arms. Then he began to sweat, his actions getting faster.

  She knew not to touch him or to try and wake him, because in doing so, he could wake thinking he was being attacked and inadvertently hurt her. That would absolutely destroy him, she thought. Blowing out the candle, she lay there next to him praying for it to end. Did he know this was happening? Should she go and lie on the couch? Not long after, he jumped from the bed with a stifled yell.

  Lying there, she listened to him breathe rapidly and swallow a number of times, as he stood by the bed not moving. Uncertain if it was over, and wanting to observe his behavior, she waited to see what would happen next. Going into the bathroom, she heard him turn on the water. Turning on her side, she looked away. She needed to get back home and start researching PTSD. That might explain his intense anger earlier, she thought, it was just so uncharacteristic of him to behave like that. Yes, he could be stubborn, and he didn’t always say the right thing, but he’d never been mean or angry like he’d been earlier in the night.

  Coming back into the bedroom,
he simply stood by the bed, and she could feel his eyes on her even though it was dark. Holding her breath, she waited. After inhaling deep, and letting out a tremendous sigh, he got back into bed. Turning onto his side, he pulled her in close, holding onto her tight. He trembled from head to foot.

  CHAPTER 10

  Following close behind Linnie as they traveled back to Luck, Nate was concerned she’d fall asleep while driving. She’d been up most of the night tossing and turning, only to sleep an hour or two before getting up to leave. She’d been tearful off and on, and had tried hiding it from him, but he knew. Not to mention her eyes were nothing but red, swollen slits come morning. They didn’t say anything to each other when they got up, and he didn’t know if that was good, or bad, or both, but she had let him hold her much of the night.

  He was angry, and wanted to yell it out with her, and she was upset, reverting to her inner shell. Can you really blame her, he asked himself. Every time she’d tried to say something, you talked right over her. Talked? Yeah right. He hadn’t exactly talked. She didn’t really say no, but it sure felt like she had, and it had sent him right over the edge, shooting his anxiety up and off the charts. They’d argued before, but he’d never yelled at her like he had last night. Then to top it off, he had one of his nightmares. Like he really needed that shit to start now.

  Now what? He felt like he’d ruined everything. They’d come so far in the last few days, and now he blew it. He just needed them to be together, and he was beginning to feel desperate. Her presence had a calming influence on him and his nerves. The nights they’d been apart, he hadn’t slept but a wink or two, and then he’d be up roaming around, edgy and irritable because he couldn’t relax and settle. But with her by him, he felt like he could tolerate the dark and the quiet, he felt like he could breathe. Her controlled, quiet demeanor calmed him, and he really needed that.